What You Can Do When Divorcing a Hostile Spouse

Divorce is an emotional process that can cause even the most amicable of spouses to bicker. In fact, it is not uncommon for one or both spouses to "go hostile" and make financial or child related threats during the divorce process. One spouse may make statements such as "I'm going to get the children in court" or "I'll make sure this divorce will bankrupt you." Threats like these don't at all mean that the court will allow them to occur, but they can easily become intimidating and frustrating for the spouse on the reviving end. If you are in the midst of a divorce with a "hostile spouse", there are steps you can take to protect yourself.



1. Consult with your attorney. Your attorney is the person who knows your case best. He or she is the legal expert who can give you an idea of what threats are idle and which can actually affect your case. Speaking with your attorney will not only give you some reassurance, but let you assess and prepare for any credible threats.

2. Document all communication. In the legal system, documentation is everything. It never hurts to keep a detailed journal of all communication between you and your divorcing spouse. Make sure your journal includes dates and times, and jot down the conversation as soon it ends so you can accurately record what occurred. If you have correspondence that can be printed or scanned, such as e-mail or a written note, make sure to get hard copies. Store your journal in a place that your divorcing spouse will not have access to.

3. Do not make threats yourself! If your soon-to-be-ex spouse insists on making idle and groundless threats, it can sometimes help your case because a Judge will not like one side trying to intimidate or coerce the other. However, if you respond by becoming hostile as well, not only do you lose this advantage but you may needlessly escalate the situation. Avoid behavior you may later regret, and definitely avoid behavior that can be used against you in Court.

As a reminder, these tips are for those dealing with idle financial or child related hostility. If your spouse is physically intimidating you or has crossed the line to emotional abuse, please contact the appropriate authorities immediately.

- Kevin McKernan